I used to get insanely nervous around people.
If you're like me, you've probably read books and random articles to find the solution. But let's face it, there's a lot of bad advice out there. Things like "faking confidence" or "smiling more" or "not caring what people think" don’t work.
Today, I'm going to reveal a simple way to stop fear, anxiety, and nervousness when you're around people, so you can start making more friends.
It cuts right to the ROOT of human psyche.
In other words, this really works.
And once you learn it, it'll skyrocket your confidence around people. And did I mention, you don't even need to speak a word to anyone?
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF
Okay I know, it's weird that the trick is to NOT do something. But it's important. And everyone does it.
We compare ourselves to people every day.
Comparing is an automatic process that happens naturally. When you meet someone you instantly start comparing. "Am I smarter than him?"... "Is she prettier than me?"... It happens most of the time without you even realizing it.
In fact, the average person spends 12% of their thoughts comparing.
Even though it's completely natural to compare, it's also very dangerous. The reason it's so dangerous is that when you compare, you unknowingly sabotage your ability to make friends.
You might be thinking...
That may be true. And yes, you may get a short ego boost or feel inspired to improve, but comparing comes back to bite you.
We ENVY people who are "better" than us and we SCORN people who are "worse" than us.
It's the TRUTH. It just... happens.
So many times people with low confidence are the ones who criticize others the most. And people who get really nervous around 'cool' and 'powerful' people are usually filled with envy. When people compare they end up hurting themselves the most.
Comparing is also linked to things like guilt, regret, defensiveness, lying, blaming others, unmet cravings, and less job satisfaction.
The most surprising thing is that comparing actually predicts your social success more than your self-esteem. Lemme repeat that. It's more important than your self-esteem!
Comparing creates negative emotions.
And you actually become less capable of empathy. In other words, you CAN'T RELATE to others. And this builds an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
Here's a simple example. Imagine you're at a party and you see people laughing and smiling.
If you're comparing, you ask yourself "Why aren't I having as much fun as they are?" Instead of relating to them and absorbing their positive energy, comparing has turned a positive into a negative.
Pretty bizarre huh?
Here's the bottom line. Comparing hurts your chances of making friends.
When you stop comparing, it's easier to approach people and have conversations.
OK NOW HOW DO I ACTUALLY DO IT?
Well, if you've ever tried to stop a bad habit, you'll know it's hard. Impossible sometimes. So, instead of trying your best to stop comparing, we have to REPLACE it with new behavior.
Here's a simple method you can use. I call it "equalizing."
Anytime you notice yourself thinking someone is better or worse than you, make up something in your mind that's the opposite.
Seriously, make up something.
It doesn't even matter if it's true. For example, maybe they're fat... but incredibly generous. Maybe they're rich... but incredibly insecure.
The point is, you're balancing out any comparing that you do, and conditioning your brain to bounce the other way when you start to feel inferior or superior to other people.
You're neutralizing the negative effects of comparing without focusing on yourself.
So give it a try today and watch your nerves melt away next time you're around people.
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